The other day, I decided to listen to the "story" of a close friend, who was overwhelmed by life. As that person knew what my work was, she also knew that I would have the patience to listen.
Well, if you know me, you know that I like helping people. I like feeling useful and that is how I confirm my personal purpose every day.
I found myself rapidly getting caught in justifying that person's arguments, becoming an ally of the "storyteller" in their own drama. It was oh so easy to approve that this person couldn't handle everything alone, no matter what…all the work done right, while taking care of personal needs and every other aspect of their social and professional life, it was impossible, right?
Then I realized how I was feeding the energy of that conflict, becoming part of it. That's how it usually happens, when we have close relationships, old friendships, we tend to enter the drama unknowingly. I thought about my genuine need to help and felt quite troubled thinking that I wasn't a good enough friend, living in the shadow of the myth that others could make feel better or worse. When I live in this shadow, I generate drama. That's why I had many negative energies and conflicts to deal with in my own life.
My strategy failed this time also.
I strongly believe in our good points and I also know that focusing on these points, we grow our potential. For some, these abilities are visible, as they developed in time and we know how not to get trapped in dramatic contexts. For others, these abilities are only visible when everything is going well, and no conflict is on the horizon. But for most of us, drama is such a constant part of our lives, that we forgot our strong points entirely.
So, I challenge you to take some time and think about the following situations and ask yourself whether you use your strong points or you forgot to shine in your own way?
- Are you in an environment where external forces are in control?
- Are morality and loyalty at a low point? Is respect for the other also low?
- Taking initiative is replaced with always taking the safe side?
- The fear of failure is overwhelming?
- Are you dependent to anyone who assumes leadership?
- Are you indifferent in a collaboration context? Blaming someone else? Manipulating someone else?
- Avoiding others to avoid negative consequences?
- Risk of abusive behaviours?
If you said yes or recognized yourself in any of these situations, it's a first step in acknowledging a toxic environment, dominated by drama, where conflict generates negativity instead of being used in productive ways.
If you're still not sure, here's some extra questions to clarify your situation:
Do you understand you are part of a toxic environment? That you have toxic relationships or behaviours? Have you ever thought of letting go to such a context or relationship? What did you discover about yourself there? What were the long term consequences? What changed did you make as part of this process?
I would love to support you in answering these questions and finding your way, after all, I do love to help 🙂 So I can help you understand what drama and conflict do every day, how you can develop abilities for "a positive conflict" with compassion and openness, so as to find the right solutions for yourself.